This Belongs in a Museum
Bringing you museum-approved grammatical errors and typos since 2010.
Oh, and sorry - I DO NOT FOLLOW BACK!
I might have looked forward to eating lunch every day if my single mother, who happened to be an artist, had done this while I was growing up. But, you know, I guess she was too busy going to school, working three jobs, and shuffling me off to various babysitters that she barely had time to throw me a lunchables or a bag of cheetos so this obviously would never have happened. But it’s still cool! Someone should make a sandwich bag museum.
Illustrated Lunch Bags by Dad
Since 2008 graphic designer David LaFerriere has been drawing illustrations on his children’s sandwich bags. He photographs almost all of them. You can explore the entire collection on Flickr.
(via odditiesoflife)
If you’re one of the lucky people who possesses a press pass, police and/or military badge, or just happens to know someone who knows someone, then you’ll be able to go inside Mexico City’s National Security building. What’s so exciting about a National Security building, you ask? Well, it’s the home of the Museo de Enervantes (Narcomuseum), probably one of the world’s most high security museums. It’s a shame they strictly control visitors (hey, this ain’t no tourist attraction listed in the guide books), because it sounds like a cool, one-of-a-kind place. First opened in 1985 and repeatedly expanded since then, the collection consists of paraphernalia that was seized from Mexico’s drug cartels. Located on the seventh floor of the concrete military compound, the 10-room museum displays ostentatious possessions of Mexican kingpins, including gold-handled pistols with jewel inlays (talk about bling!), bullet-proof clothes, cars with trick compartments, surf boards that once carried drugs inside of them, false-bottomed shoes, a shrine dedicated to the popular folklore hero Jesús Malverde (I guess he was a bandit turned “narco saint”) as well as hundreds of bazookas, grenade launchers and other confiscated weapons. A total of 110 pounds of marijuana was once seized from a picture of the Virgin of Guadalupe, it’s on display of course. There’s even a taxidermied German Shepherd named Zayaqui, who died in 2008, who was responsible for the seizure of more than 8,000 pounds of marijuana and other drugs. And let’s not forget the officers who battled these guys. They’re remembered not only in a mural of poppy fields where Mexican troops jump out of helicopters with their weapons drawn, but a metal plaque on the wall lists the names and ranks of each of the soldiers, which unfortunately has grown over the last few years. I bet you’re wondering why this place exists if no one can see it? Besides preserving a unique history, it aims to educate police officers and help them in the fight against drug trafficking. Remember kids, just say no to drugs! Or your crap will end up in a museum.
*AND YES, YOUR EYES DO NOT DECEIVE…THAT IS INDEED A PICTURE OF A TODDLER DRESSED IN CAMOUFLAGE SITTING IN FRONT OF RIFLES. LOOK WHAT DRUGS MAKE PEOPLE DO!*
I don’t know if I’m scared to fly, but I certainly hate it, especially when it involves long ass overseas trips. Always remember to take an airline that serves free alcohol or you’ll be sorry. Probably the worst part of traveling is all the time spent waiting in airports due to delayed or connecting flights. Instead of buying overpriced, shitty food or killing time by recharging your laptop, go to the library, museum and casino. Yes, Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport has all those things, plus “resting rooms” with reclining chairs you can nap in. Now that’s what I call a waste of time well spent. Oh, and you can even get married there. Geez…why go anywhere else? Everything you need is right at the freakin’ airport. So what is this airport museum like? Well, it’s actually a satellite of the Rijksmuseum. Located on Holland Boulevard, in the area behind the passport control between the E and F Pier, the museum is open every day from 7:00 until 20:00 (that’s a pretty long time, yo!) and admission is free. It houses a permanent exhibition of ten works by Dutch masters from the museum’s collection with new temporary exhibitions a few times a year. Believe it or not, this first-ever airport museum just celebrated its 10th anniversary. Anyway, I strongly support more airports doing this kind of thing. When I fly this summer, I fully expect to see pop-up museums in every terminal. And reclining chairs!
If Ted Nugent ever opens up a museum, expect it to look exactly like the Mann Wildlife Learning Museum. Purchased in 2003 by the Montgomery Zoo, the collection of 70 life-size taxidermied animals were trophy kills by world-record-holding bow and arrow hunter George Mann, who sometimes carried them on his back for miles out in the wilderness. Who knows why the hell a zoo would want dead (and probably threatened) animal species killed by a hunter displayed next to the live versions? The two don’t really go together. But this is Alabama we’re talking about (no offense), which also happens to be the home of the Spear Hunting Museum. So that probably explains it. Anyway, the Mann Museum rationalizes hunting by depicting carnivorous animals and their prey in threatening and somewhat ridiculous poses. Amongst the stuffed bears, wolves, and mountain lions are displays like “A Hare Raisin Experience” where a lynx attempts to kills it food of choice, the horseshoe hare, and “Smart as a Fox” where a willow ptarmigan is attacked by…you guessed it…a fox. The exhibit labels tend to emphasize that hunting and killing are natural behaviors, which I agree with completely. But I do have a problem when the killing of animals is assorted with entertainment or blood sport instead of, say, survival and food. I don’t understand how a hunter who spends half the year killing all kinds of creatures, like George Mann, is considered to be a dedicated wildlife conservationist who has been awarded by the State Governor for his efforts. Maybe conservation has a different meaning down in Alabama???
*A follower has told me hunting is a huge part of conservation in that is helps prevent starvation, disease and to control population levels. That makes sense, but I still don’t understand hunters who kill endangered species in (usually) canned hunts just for a freakin’ trophy. I will never get that.*
With earlier posts about Korea’s Penis Park and Prague’s Sex Machines Museum, it should come as no surprise that this dirty little ol’ blog is now telling you about the Phallic Shrine in Bangkok. In the heart of the city right behind the five star luxury hotel Swissotel Nai Lert is a shrine dedicated to the female animist spirit Chao Mae Tubtim, who supposedly lives inside the banyan tree on the grounds. Because measuring is important here, the site of the shrine, roughly 60 by 70 feet (18 m × 21 m), is literally crammed with hundreds of penises. In Thailand, the phallus is a symbol of good luck and fertility, so women visit the shrine bringing gifts when trying to conceive or to return if their wish is fulfilled. The phallic shapes vary in shape, size and are even decorated with bling. There are small wooden carvings and big stone sculptures (some ten feet tall) of penises, usually decorated with ribbons and next to offerings of lotus, jasmine, candles and Chinese incense sticks. There is even a plaque, which says, “Chao Mae Tuptim has received yet another rather less conventional kind of gift, phallic in shape, both small and large, stylized and highly realistic. Over the years, they have been brought by the thousands…”. From what I’ve read on-line, many modern Thais see these magical dildos as quaint and eccentric, and even the hotel staff pretends to not know of the shrine’s existence. But if you’re a determined tourist who has a thing for unusual religious circumcised fun stick gardens, then go out and find it. Next to professional athletes and Donald Trump, the Chao Mae Tuptim shrine is the cockiest of the cock.
facethatdamnmusic Asks:
thisbelongsinamuseum Said:
First of all, I’m not a fella, even though once a waitress called me “sir” and I pointed to my boobs and said “Whaaa?” Also, I’m hardly little. But that’s beside the point. In today’s post I never once said Earth Room was not art or a waste. Yeah, I might hate it or not “get it” but that’s what art critics do every single day. You don’t have to explain what art is to me. I love it! I studied art history, have worked in an art museum, I know art is more than just a Renoir painting. I’m sorry I don’t dig conceptual art. This is my blog and I write what I like. If you haven’t already, please unfollow me and go play in some dirt. Later hater!
I HATE CONCEPTUAL ART! Nothing annoys me more than some rich kid finding a broken chair or bicycle in a dumpster, painting it or something, and then calling it “art”. Thank you, Marcel Duchamp. Anyway, I do give credit to dedicated conceptual artist Walter De Maria. His long-term installation piece, Earth Room, has been on display and open to the public for free continuously since I was born (or 1980 for the tens of thousands who do not know me personally). Visitors ring a nondescript buzzer at 141 Wooster Street in the middle of SoHo and walk up some stairs to a quiet room filled with 280,000 pounds of dirt. In case you’re wondering how De Maria affords to display and take care of a pile of dirt in the middle of Manhattan’s most expensive neighborhood, well, he is supported by the Dia Art Foundation and long-time caretaker Bill Dilworth. For the past three decades, Dilworth waters and rakes the dirt once a week, which brings about a distinct, rich scent that fills the loft. It sounds like Earth Room is better taken care of than most people’s gardens…or houses…or lives. Occasionally Dilworth notices a mushroom or two sprouting from the ground. HOW EXCITING! Even though I’m sure there are enough dirty lofts all over NYC growing shit naturally (maybe more than just mushrooms) without needing a pile of “dirt art.” But maybe I just don’t get it.
My grandfather was a bit of a hoarder, but it never got too out of hand as he managed to keep most of his stuff down in the basement. Considering I lived with them, I have strong memories of a bunch of cast iron thingamajigs down there, so I’m sure he would’ve loved the Underpenny Plane and Cast Iron Museum in Queens, New York. Antique collector Sung Park spent over fifteen years searching New Jersey, Connecticut, Pennsylvania and Ohio for these mid-19th century American artifacts. He always dreamt of sharing the cast-iron pieces by opening up a museum-shop. And he did just that. Tucked right beneath a tenement house, one side of the tiny space for viewing only with hundreds of items lining the wall behind the counter, like ornate penny banks, cast iron trivets, bells, bookends, wood planes, and horse-and-carriage toys. And even though these trinkets are off-limits from your greedy hands, at least the other side of the room is for sale. So good news, shoppers. Commerce wins again!
Once upon a time Lynyrd Skynyrd sang about “Sweet Home Alabama”, but I bet they didn’t know about the town called Sweet Home. Yep, such a place exists in Oregon and it’s the sweet home of White’s Metal Detectors, one of the earliest manufacturers of metal detectors. Next to the factory and offices is a little museum full of things unearthed by the company’s metal detectors as well as some of their earliest models, which date back to the 1950s. The diverse assortment of treasures discovered with White’s instruments include items from a Spanish fleet that sank off the coast of Florida in the 1700s that were found by Ken White, president of the company as well as various coins, bullets, cannonballs, and bottles. Besides a personal tour of the museum (by appointment only of course), there is also a demonstration room and test garden. Personally, I’m not a fan of the device, just from my experience of flying, and once having to take every single thing out of my suitcase to be inspected because, you know, I really look like a danger to society. I actually take that back…I’m totally a danger to society in that I’m a bitch. Scan away!
Some people have bad body odour and can pass it along like a bad virus. Remember when Kramer said to Jerry in “The Smelly Car” episode of Seinfeld, “You stink!” Well, that’s not true at our next museum, the Museu del Perfum in Barcelona, where any foul smells are overpowered by the 5,000 bottles and flasks in their collection. Located on the always-chic Passeig De Gracia in the back of the Regia Perfumery, the museum has been offering lovely scents for the last 50 years. The collection is divided in two. The first exhibit is displayed chronologically with items like ancient Egyptian and Roman scent receptacles, old bronze Etruscan tweezers, a prized double-flask pouch that belonged to Marie Antoinette, classic eau-de-cologne bottles and Edwardian atomisers. The second exhibit is all about brand names like Guerlain and Dior and their respective launch dates; some rare bottles are even on display. There’s also a garish Dalí creation for Schiaparelli. And let’s not forget the old perfume catalogues and advertising posters. It sounds like the Museu del Perfum is not a museum in its truest form, but a place to visually appreciate objects displayed randomly with no explanations. And not like there’s anything wrong with that. Let’s not forget most museums started out like this (British Museum included) as cabinets of curiosities. Maybe this collection will one day be part of a “real” museum. But until then check out this place if you ever find yourself in Barcelona; it’s titillating for the nostrils!…it’s a Sniffapalooza!…it’s like hanging out with your grandmother’s vanity tray!
