This Belongs in a Museum

Once called the "Stephen Fry of Museum Blogging," this tumblog, written by a frustrated museologist, is dedicated to the small, random museums and weird attractions of the world. Always informative, usually funny, sometimes offensive.

Bringing you museum-approved grammatical errors and typos since 2010.

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Steven Wright might be the name of a deadpan comedian, but please don’t confuse him with folk artist Stephen Wright (or English footballer Stephen Wright). Back in 1999, Stephen the artist was a stationary and textile designer. But one day after seeing Jarvis Cocker’s Journeys into the Outside, he decided to transform his house, located in the London suburb of East Dulwich, into a museum, called the House of Dreams. Inspired by the work of French art environment builders Raymond Isidore (Picassiette) and Bodan Litnianski, his house has become an an all-consuming art project decorated with large-scale colourful mosaics, papier maché and cement constructions, and discarded objects like bottle tops, broken dolls, false teeth and crockery. In his words, “he has created his own Mexico in a quiet grey street…” Right now it is open to the public on a limited basis, but there are plans in place to bequeath the museum to the National Trust, so the dream will never ever end. If you want to see this place in person, remember to bring 10 pounds and go on the following dates: 8th June, 6th July, 3rd August, 7th September. 

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Because I’m still not over Flickr’s redesign (or reinvention as I like to call it) and this is a blog about museums, let’s take some time to discuss both. Why the hell not? After all, Tumblr and Flickr are now both owned by the same bitch Yahoo!!!!!!!! No one would think to compare the old Flickr to a museum display, but that’s exactly what it was with its emphasis on text AND images. Just like an exhibit, Flickr was a niche site for cataloguers and storytellers. But now it’s not. Have you ever seen a gallery completely filled with images with no space in between? Of course not. Museums let whatever is on display have its own space and breathing room. Viewers are allowed to take their time focusing on one picture at a time, instead of being overwhelmed with a sensory overload. Ever seen a gallery with black walls? Unlike what this famed Flickr photographer says, the old Flickr was not wasted white space. Most photography (and art) is presented in white mats hung on white walls. I will never understand this latest obsession with black backgrounds? Someone decided photos looked better like this on smartphones, so mobile devices and Instagram win the day. But sometimes what is good for one thing is not good for the other. Usually the content creators (because that’s what the photographers and hobbyists were on Flickr) get a say on how their art is presented. They work with curators in the gallery space building and tearing down walls, creating labels, hanging art, etc. But this is not so at the new Flickr, where users are now stuck with the justified grid layout and black background. Also, one last point…as someone who supported Flickr for the last eight years (yes, with my own money because that’s what pro accounts did) I spent a lot of time writing captions, titles, and tags. Ever been to a gallery where there are no descriptions or you have to search for them because they are hidden away? I would guess no. But that’s exactly what the new Flickr does, viewers now have to click, click, click away or rollover a spot to make information appear. This is unfortunate, because a museum exhibit should be simple and user-friendly. If someone wants to learn about something all they have to do is look right next to the piece, and the description is right there! It’s sad that Marissa Mayer did not celebrate what made Flickr unique and respect the dedicated community, and instead only cared about the old mighty dollar (ADVERTISING) to make the site look like every other goddamn site.

So take this as a fair warning, Tumblr users…your days here are numbered!!!

In honour of Yahoo!!!!!! buying Tumblr (and killing it, because we know that’s eventually going to happen…I mean you heard what they did to Flickr, right?) let’s talk about a dead museum. We’ve covered closed museums before (Museum of Funeral Customs, Museum of Menstruation and Red Baron Museum immediately come to mind) so it won’t hurt to add another one to the list. 

Unfortunately, visitors to the Million Dollar Museum in New Mexico did not receive a huge chunk of change to take home with them to hide under their mattresses. Money wasn’t even the theme of place. Instead the museum randomly gathered together everything weird and creepy, and I’m not talking about Donald Trump’s hair.

The entrance to the museum only hinted at what lurked ahead. After walking by various pieces of taxidermy, as well as video games and coin operated peep shows, visitors would go downstairs to the basement to check out eleven dust-filled rooms. Over 50,000 items, including a room full of busted typewriters and longhorns, were found in this hoarder’s gangsta paradise. But that’s not the really weird part. Next to the jars of “alien baby” mummies and two-headed animals was a collection of European Dollhouses. In another display case, four skulls of an ancient people called “Basket Makers” were seated on flat baskets, just in case you didn’t get the basket connection. Next to a 19th century horse-drawn hearse was some weird contraption hanging on the wall marked, “Used for Smoking Bees.” Something I’ve always been meaning to do, just haven’t got around to it!

The place was like a garage sale that’s gone on for decades and no one told the person to call it a motherfuckin’ day. Or you can say it was like a very, very, very bad episode of ‘Hoarders’. The name of the museum implies that all this stuff is worth a million dollars. Right. Bitch, you’re delusional! Well, anyway it’s long gone, the odd and curious contents of the Million Dollar Museum were auctioned off in 2008, scattered in the wind, probably to other hoarder-doms. Now the museum is worth zero dollars, kind of like my bank account.

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The Jewish Museum in Berlin was definitely a meaningful experience for a museologist (and half-Jew) like me. But it sounds like their current exhibit “The Whole Truth” is causing a lot of controversy in more ways than one. To help educate postwar generations who are largely uninformed and have no memories of Nazi Germany, various Jewish people sit on a pink felt cushion in a glass box each day and talk to visitors. People ask such questions as “Why are you always causing trouble?”, “Do Jews have big noses?”, “How does someone become a Jew?” and “Can you make jokes about the Holocaust?” Basically it’s like a sequel to one of my favourite Woody Allen films, Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Jews* (*But Were Afraid To Ask). Since the museum opened in 2001, thousands of comments have been collected in its 800 visitors’ books. The curators whittled down 32 of the most frequently asked questions, which serves as the backbone of the exhibit. The most popular question “Are there still Jews in Germany?” is the reason behind the controversial “Jew in the Showcase”. Some believe it to be contrived or dehumanising. The idea of a living Jew serving as a museum display in the former capital of the Nazi Reich has touched a nerve. A woman on the museum’s Facebook page wrote, “Our grandparents and friends spent enough time in boxcars on the way to concentration camps. How dare you!” Some have compared it to Adolf Eichmann in a bulletproof box at his trial in Israel, others are reminded of animals displayed at the zoo. Although it was meant to be educational and thought-provoking, there is more to see than just the “Jew in a box” piece. Throughout the display, literary and documentary voices speak out about the Jewish identity, controversial opinions, social debates, counter questions, and the effects of stereotypical images. There are also a number of historical artifacts. The exhibit runs through September of 2013.

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Ever heard of bauxite? Apparently it’s the main source of aluminum. And there’s actually a town in Arkansas named after it, which is appropriate considering that’s also the state where you can find the Gann Museum. Built in 1896 as the medical offices for Dr. Dewell Gann Sr., it is the only known structure in the world to use bauxite aluminum ore as its building material. According to the historical marker out front, “the building was constructed by patients who could not afford to pay for services he rendered them. The soft stone was dug from a farm near by, sawn into blocks with a handsaw and allowed to harden for six weeks.” The three-room structure had separate entrances and waiting rooms for the ladies and men. Why, you ask? It was to assure female patients that they could avoid exposure to any rough dudes like railroad or industrial workers. Anyway, the building was used as a medical office until 1946, then became a library, and in 1980 was turned into a FREE museum. Today it houses memorabilia, photographs, and artifacts from Arkansas’s past. Visitors can see Dr. Gann’s old desk and medical correspondence, a vast Niloak pottery collection, old wood carvings, Quapaw and Caddo Indian crafts, and weird stuff like a mid-19th century tombstone marker in the shape of a butter churn.

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I like to think of myself as a traveler and not a tourist. Three and a half years ago, I wandered the streets of Berlin with no real purpose. Of course I had some ideas of places I wanted to see, but sometimes it’s better to stay away from the touristy areas and see where the day takes you. Yet wherever I seemed to go I was always greeted with stickers, flyers, and postcards (I saved one and of course cannot find it) telling me about the Ramones Museum. Yes, the one and only museum dedicated to America’s first punk rock band exists in Berlin of all places (maybe it has something to do with “Blitzkrieg Bop”?). The first museum was short-lived (2005-2007) due to a landlord tripling the rent, but by 2009 it was once again open (which explains why I saw so much advertising while I was there). Attached to a place called Café Mania with an entrance canopy in a CBGB style, the idea for the museum began twenty-three years ago by Flo Hayler when he saved his ticket stub, poster and t-shirt from his first ever Ramones concert back in 1990. His memorabilia has since grown to more than 300 items. The basement exhibit is arranged chronologically between 1974 through 1996 in two rooms with unpublished photographs, autographed posters and first edition records, the band’s clothes and shoes, random newspaper articles, set lists, hand-written lyrics, and shit from their last ever concert in August of 1996. Everything’s here…even wedding invitations. And something you don’t see in most museums…famous bands have graffitied the walls with their signatures and there’s even a stage for musicians to perform. And of course the place has a facebook and tumblr because this is the world we live in, unfortunately. So what are you waiting for…”hey! ho! let’s go!”

*I dropped my brand-new camera on the fourth day I was in Berlin because I am an unlucky klutz. Therefore, the camera didn’t function for most of that day, which happened to be the day I paid my visit to the museum so thanks to these people (Pete’s BlogVloggerheadsMichael’s Blog ) for letting me use their photos. Much appreciated.

Yesterday I told you about the brand-new ABBA Museum in Stockholm, but that’s not the only random music museum in existence. Even though Canada is the home of respectable musicians like Leonard Cohen, Neil Young, and Joni Mitchell (let’s forget about Avril Lavigne, Céline Dion, Nickelback, and the rapper called Snow), those people do not have museums. But in Springhill, Nova Scotia one random Canadian musical artist does. Yes, if you’re ever around those parts, you can visit the Anne Murray Centre. You might be too young to know who the hell she is (unless you watched this episode of Family Guy), but this is a woman who has sold over 50 million albums so I guess it’s not completely crazy that she would have some kind of shrine. While many celebrity museums struggle to stay open (R.I.P. Liberace Museum) this doesn’t seem to be happening here, even though this super-mellow adult pop star isn’t as popular as she was back in the 70s with such hits like “Songbird”. Open since 1989, the museum is the typical mix of awards, photographs, videos, and memorabilia. Only true fanatics would get excited over the dress Anne wore in the Rose Bowl parade of 1971…Anne’s first stereo system…Anne’s wedding certificate…Anne’s gold records…photos of Anne posing with various celebrities. You can even pretend to be one of those celebs and pose next to a cardboard cutout of Anne!!! Life doesn’t get any better than this, folks.

I have good news! Today the ABBA Museum in Stockholm opened to the public. I think just about everyone loves them, whether you’re like a character in Muriel’s Wedding dressing up in some outlandish costume or one of those music snobs who tells everyone you only listen to the most obscure bands but then go home and secretly listen to ABBA, this is your lucky day. Hey, I don’t listen to them too often but when it comes to pop music, I’d rather listen to ABBA than any of the crap on the current Top 40 chart. And who doesn’t love a random museum like this one?!? GIMME GIMME GIMME…THE ABBA MUSEUM! (thanks for that one, swetebreeth) Anyway, there’s nothing more to say so I will leave you with these amazing pictures.

“So I say…thank you for the music, the songs I’m singing…thanks for all the joy they’re bringing…”

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If you’re one of the lucky people who possesses a press pass, police and/or military badge, or just happens to know someone who knows someone, then you’ll be able to go inside Mexico City’s National Security building. What’s so exciting about a National Security building, you ask? Well, it’s the home of the Museo de Enervantes (Narcomuseum), probably one of the world’s most high security museums. It’s a shame they strictly control visitors (hey, this ain’t no tourist attraction listed in the guide books), because it sounds like a cool, one-of-a-kind place. First opened in 1985 and repeatedly expanded since then, the collection consists of paraphernalia that was seized from Mexico’s drug cartels. Located on the seventh floor of the concrete military compound, the 10-room museum displays ostentatious possessions of Mexican kingpins, including gold-handled pistols with jewel inlays (talk about bling!), bullet-proof clothes, cars with trick compartments, surf boards that once carried drugs inside of them, false-bottomed shoes, a shrine dedicated to the popular folklore hero Jesús Malverde (I guess he was a bandit turned “narco saint”) as well as hundreds of bazookas, grenade launchers and other confiscated weapons. A total of 110 pounds of marijuana was once seized from a picture of the Virgin of Guadalupe, it’s on display of course. There’s even a taxidermied German Shepherd named Zayaqui, who died in 2008, who was responsible for the seizure of more than 8,000 pounds of marijuana and other drugs. And let’s not forget the officers who battled these guys. They’re remembered not only in a mural of poppy fields where Mexican troops jump out of helicopters with their weapons drawn, but a metal plaque on the wall lists the names and ranks of each of the soldiers, which unfortunately has grown over the last few years. I bet you’re wondering why this place exists if no one can see it? Besides preserving a unique history, it aims to educate police officers and help them in the fight against drug trafficking. Remember kids, just say no to drugs! Or your crap will end up in a museum.

*AND YES, YOUR EYES DO NOT DECEIVE…THAT IS INDEED A PICTURE OF A TODDLER DRESSED IN CAMOUFLAGE SITTING IN FRONT OF RIFLES. LOOK WHAT DRUGS MAKE PEOPLE DO!*

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I don’t know if I’m scared to fly, but I certainly hate it, especially when it involves long ass overseas trips. Always remember to take an airline that serves free alcohol or you’ll be sorry. Probably the worst part of traveling is all the time spent waiting in airports due to delayed or connecting flights. Instead of buying overpriced, shitty food or killing time by recharging your laptop, go to the library, museum and casino. Yes, Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport has all those things, plus “resting rooms” with reclining chairs you can nap in. Now that’s what I call a waste of time well spent. Oh, and you can even get married there. Geez…why go anywhere else? Everything you need is right at the freakin’ airport. So what is this airport museum like? Well, it’s actually a satellite of the Rijksmuseum. Located on Holland Boulevard, in the area behind the passport control between the E and F Pier, the museum is open every day from 7:00 until 20:00 (that’s a pretty long time, yo!) and admission is free. It houses a permanent exhibition of ten works by Dutch masters from the museum’s collection with new temporary exhibitions a few times a year. Believe it or not, this first-ever airport museum just celebrated its 10th anniversary. Anyway, I strongly support more airports doing this kind of thing. When I fly this summer, I fully expect to see pop-up museums in every terminal. And reclining chairs!

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