This Belongs in a Museum
Bringing you museum-approved grammatical errors and typos since 2010.
Oh, and sorry - I DO NOT FOLLOW BACK!
One day President Barack Obama will have a Presidential Museum & Library, most likely to be located in Chicago, but until that moment happens we will just have to make due with all the other Presidential Museums & Libraries. Besides driving right by the Gerald R. Ford Presidential Library and Museum when I was in Grand Rapids, Michigan, I’ve only ever seen one in person. That would be the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum in Springfield, which was surprisingly well done, but that’s probably because it had lots of money to create something interesting. I know traditionalists don’t like it, but I think the goal should be to make museums less boring. Even if you hated the movie version, I guarantee you will like this museum…or at least not be bored or get shot by John Wilkes Booth. Anyway, if you want to see all the U.S. Presidents together, there’s only one place to go. Unfortunately you have to go to South Dakota. Sorry! All 43 men (damn Grover Cleveland for serving non-consecutive terms) who acted as commander-in-chief are represented as life-size bronze statutes over several blocks of downtown Rapid City. The series, known as “The City of Presidents”, was created by five local artists; Edward E. Hlavka, Lee Leuning, John Lopez, James Michael Maher and James Van Nuys; over a ten year period between 2000 and 2010. George W. Bush is depicted holding Barney the Dog and giving an enthusiastic thumbs up to no one, while William McKinley takes a phone call from his friend who won’t shut the hell up. Even though John F. Kennedy should be walking with Marilyn Monroe instead of his son John John, I’ll forgive the mistake. Looking a bit depressed, Benjamin Harrison feeds the birds as he sits on a lonely park bench. Is this what he’s been doing all these years? Totally forget about him. I think my personal favorites are Mr. Burns…oops I mean Richard Nixon, who looks like he’s getting ready to concoct his next sinister plot, and Harry S. Truman, who looks more than happy to recreate the “Dewey Defeats Truman” moment over and over again. Oh, that’s Rutherford B. Hayes walking into obscurity in the above photo. And if you’re looking for the current president - Obama the Presidential Statue is coming soon to a Rapid City nearest you.
We all have opinions on what is considered “real art”. As someone who grew up with a mom who was a struggling artist, I have many thoughts on this subject, and have covered it a few times already on this blog. I still have the vivid memory of an older student in one of my art history classes going on and on about how Picasso couldn’t draw (um…he could…have you seen his earlier work?) and how much she loved Norman Rockwell. Well, my apologies for sounding like an artsy fartsy snob, but the late Thomas Kinkade was not an artist, he was a businessman. And we all know this is very true, after all he was America’s most-collected living artist, making well over 70 million dollars. His paintings of glowing, oversaturated stone cottages in woodsy environments are supposedly found in one in every twenty American homes, including the White House. Shame on you, Mr. President!
If most museologists believe today’s museums exist only to make money, then the Thomas Kinkade National Archive Gallery fits right in with this world. Located in the historic Harry A. Greene Mansion in Monterey, California, the archive has the largest display of Kinkade “originals”, including some of his earliest known work. And of course there is a gift shop. Hey, where you do think that chick in the photo got her copy of The Thomas Kinkade Story? I mean we’re talking about a guy who licensed his “art” with Hallmark and other corporations like Walmart making it nearly impossible to never see one of his images. Try to escape…you can’t! Since his death last April, there are plans to establish a legacy for the “Painter of Light” with a more official museum and cultural center. While some of you start to prepare for the apocalypse and others attempt to contain your excitement at the thought of a real Thomas Kinkade Museum, let me leave you with this quote from writer Joan Didion:
“A Kinkade painting was typically rendered in slightly surreal pastels. It typically featured a cottage or a house of such insistent coziness as to seem actually sinister, suggestive of a trap designed to attract Hansel and Gretel. Every window was lit, to lurid effect, as if the interior of the structure might be on fire.”
Whoever wins the election tonight, it’s not a hopeless case for the loser. Because they can still move into the White House. No, not that one in Washington, D.C. I’m talking about the replica in Atlanta, Georgia.
Fred Milani, an Irani businessman who made his riches in the building boom of the 1990s, built himself and his family a 3/4-scale model of the White House, at 16,500 square feet. The interior is not exactly the same as its more famous twin at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. There is an Oval Office, a movie theater, and a replica of Lincoln’s bedroom, with a copy of the Emancipation Proclamation. But that’s where it ends as the rest of the place is a mix of Middle Eastern décor and Christian iconography (hey, is that a giant tapestry of “The Last Supper”?).
As an immigrant, Milani saw the house as a tribute to American democracy. But unfortunately that American dream did not last. When the housing market went bust four years ago, Milani was forced to sell White House: The Sequel. Going for a little under $10 million, the house still hasn’t sold. Quick! Someone get McCain, Kerry, Gore and Dole on the phone. The White House can be theirs after all.
If your favorite film is Deliverance, then you should check out the American Banjo Museum in Oklahoma City. It has the largest display of banjos anywhere in the world. Visitors learn about the instrument’s beginnings in 17th century American slavery to its use in today’s bluegrass and folk music scenes. The museum even has a replica of a Shakey’s Pizza Parlor, the first pizza chain where every one of its restaurants had a banjo player. There are currently 340 banjos on public display; some are ornate pieces of art, while some are not as fancy or detailed. The oldest is from the 1890s. The most expensive is a 1937 Gibson, worth about $170,000. I don’t know if the song “Dueling Banjos” is on constant loop at the museum, but it should be. “Goddamn, you play a mean banjo.”
On this date in 1850 American President Zachary Taylor died days after consuming a large amount of iced water, cold milk, green apples and cherries. Was it gastroenteritis? A bad case of diarrhea (I hear laughter over the interwebs)? Was his food poisoned with arsenic? Did the Mexicans finally get revenge for Taylor’s victory during the Mexican-American War? There are many theories behind what happened to this short-tenured President (he was in office for only 16 months). I guess we’ll never know for sure, besides the fact he probably wasn’t even real (I mean, where’s his facebook?) but his death led to Millard Fillmore becoming another forgotten U.S. President. So thank God for that.
Sculpted by the Katherine Stubergh-Keller studio, and displayed at the National Presidential Wax Museum in Keystone, South Dakota. (Image Source)
On this date in 1833, Andrew Jackson was the first U.S. President to ride a train. Speaking of Presidents, did you know the twenty-two sandstone columns that once supported the east portico of the U.S. Capitol were replaced in 1958? The U.S. Government kept them in storage until 1984 when they were brought back outside to see the light of day. The columns, which once towered behind Andrew Jackson as he took the oath of office back in 1829, now stand in an empty field at the National Arboretum. It’s like Ancient Greece, but not.
Fourth of July is one my least favorite holidays, not that I hate America or anything (okay, maybe sometimes). I just hate what the holiday has become…loud, obnoxious people blowing up fireworks and drinking lots of beer. Exactly what the founding fathers had in mind, I’m sure.
If I wasn’t hiding in my bed today, I’d probably be interested in visiting the Miracle of America Museum and Pioneer Village. Yes, apparently the birth of America is a miracle, kind of like when the U.S. Hockey team beat the Russians in 1980. Founded by Gil and Joanne Mangles thirty years ago (surprisingly, Jesus was not involved), this museum in Montana displays everything Americana from the last 150 years. There’s a drug store and soda fountain, a sod roofed log cabin, an old schoolhouse, a 1920 Ford Model T, tractors and lots of war things. Cool! Not sure how the Founding Fathers of the American Revolution would feel about this place. After all, Thomas Paine, once wrote “All the tales of miracles, with which the Old and New Testament are filled, are fit only for impostors to preach and fools to believe”. Hmmm….
