This Belongs in a Museum
Bringing you museum-approved grammatical errors and typos since 2010.
Oh, and sorry - I DO NOT FOLLOW BACK!
With the imposing walls of a ruined medieval castle standing in the background, Conwy’s Quay House is not only the smallest house in Great Britain, but probably also the smallest house museum in the world. I had a chance to visit this itsy bitsy tourist attraction on a day trip to Wales (that’s my crappy photo above) on my way to see the town’s 13th century castle.
Built sometime in the 16th century, the house, which measures 72 inches wide and 122 inches high (or 1.8 metres wide by 3.05 metres high), was built in a gap between two terrace houses. Believe it or not, this very uncomfortable house was lived in continuously until the early 1900s. At one time an entire family lived here. The last occupant was a 6 ft 3 inch tall fisherman named Robert Jones (of course) who was forced to move out when the town council declared the house unfit for habitation. I guess he had a hard time standing up. Uh…really? The building is still owned by his descendants.
If you’re worried the house has not been properly recognised by the Guinness Book of World Records, it has. Phew! As you can see from my photo, a woman, who usually dresses in traditional Welsh costume because tourists like that sort of thing, stands outside the front door. But that wasn’t always the case as you can see from this picture, it’s just a random old lady hanging out, instead of one forced to pretend she is from the past. For only £0.75 or £0.50 (don’t forget the child discount) visitors can take a look around the one-up, one-down (just two freakin’ rooms!) while listening to an audio recording that explains the house’s history. The second floor is so teeny tiny that only one person at a time can view it from a step ladder. There’s room for a squashed bed, cabinet and stove (to keep warm of course). And just like that…the tour is over.
If you ever find yourself wandering around North Wales, I suggest you first go to Llandudno, then Snowdonia, and maybe Conwy to see y ty lleiaf ym mhrydain fawr. What? You don’t speak Welsh? Beth bynnag!
Why would you want to visit Paris when you can just go to the South of France and see the trash version (not to be confused with Paris Hilton or the hotel in Las Vegas) for free? For almost two decades Gerard Brion has been recreating landmarks, like the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe and Sacré Coeur, out of rubbish in his back garden. The work starts in his studio where Brion handcrafts pieces of his authentic-looking mini-version of the City of Lights. It’s springtime year round at Brion’s house. Pieces of cardboard, soup cans, baby food jars and old concrete blocks were all used in the making of this new tourist attraction in Vaissac, France. It is not officially open to the public, but small group tours take place once or twice a week. Amongst the well-manicured flower beds and hedges in Brion’s backyard, visitors can see most of Paris, only in miniature form. Occasionally small portions of the already small Paris are lent to Parisian museums, so mini-Paris gets to see BIG Paris, which is nice. I wonder if this is what the dude in Casablanca meant when he said, “We’ll always have Paris.” Or was he talking about Paris, Texas? Hmmm…I might have to watch the movie now to find out.*
*Hey, I thought A Night in Casablanca counted as the real thing? SORRY!
For seven short years there was a place I could have sent my discarded old, smelly bras (if only I ever found the energy to clean out my dresser). But the world is an awful place. An amazing tourist site is no more and that makes me weep. Let me start at the beginning. Sometime between Christmas and New Year’s Eve of 1999, a bunch of bras were mysteriously thrown onto a fence in Otago, New Zealand. A few more lazy hippies followed suit and the country had a new and strange attraction with thousands of people taking pictures and making additional contributions. There was an occasional bra theft (including some horny dude or poor woman who stole hundreds of them) or legal removal but the booby undergarments always came back eventually and continued to grow. As they flapped around in the countryside, a random sheep would look up and wonder what the hell was going on. Something tells me this isn’t what Bob Dylan meant when he sang “Blowin in the Wind”? There was even a sheep farmer named John Lee (please see the picture above) who guarded the support garment fence. Anyway, uptight people (probably wearing the wrong bra size) are always around to ruin shit so as they got more and more upset the government finally stepped in. The council discovered the fence was on public land and therefore needed a licence. Before its removal, or should I say burning, there was an attempt to make the world’s longest bra chain. The chain reached some 7,400 bras, over 100,000 short of the world record (yeah because that exists), but all was not lost as over $10,000 was raised for charity. Though it is no longer with us, the Cardrona Bra Fence will live in the cherished memories of bra lovers everywhere.
Oh, I was just measured recently and I’m a 38D. Don’t worry…I’ll be putting that on my latest resume. Probably better than my useless degrees or job experience combined.
On a somewhat “lighter” note from yesterday’s headache-inducing post (kind of the reason why I stopped talking during grad school seminars), let’s turn our full attention to the Woodchipper Exhibit at the Fargo, ND visitors center. Fargo is one of my favorite films, so I am quite excited to find out there is a display full of movie memorabilia, which includes the original movie prop wood chipper. Watch this clip if you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. (“And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper.”)
So if you’re looking for family fun good times with the wife and kids, then you know where to go. Put on your favorite lumberjack hat, stand next to a wood chipper with a fake foot sticking out of it, and do your best cheesy Japanese tourist pose. This is, like, totally the thing to do. You might win “Dad of the Year” like this guy. Of course there is a facebook page with bazillions of more photos of people posing with America’s favorite wood chipper. If you haven’t seen the film, what are you waiting for? It gets better with multiple viewings. I promise.
Carhenge, located somewhere near Alliance, Nebraska, is a replica of the infamous tourist attraction Stonehenge (or my favourite Spinal Tap song). Following the death of his father, artist Jim Reinders built a memorial of thirty-eight spray-painted cars where his family farm once stood. To stick with the prehistoric theme, Reinders chose vintage automobiles in the construction of the monument, including a 1943 Plymouth Savoy, 1945 Jeep Willys, 1956 Buick Roadmaster Deluxe, 1957 Cadillac Eldorado and 1965 Ford Thunderbird. It was officially dedicated during the summer solstice of 1987. Even with threats of demolition from town officials, its popularity has grown so much that in 2006 a visitor center was constructed on the site. But this quirky attraction might not be open much longer. A few months ago Carhenge was put up for sale with a price tag of $300,000. I say someone buy this thing and move it next door to the original in Wiltshire, England. I bet the majority of the tourists will choose cars over stones. I would.
My thanks to Alyson Kluskowski for posting some pictures she took at Wall Drug, which just happens to be competing for tourists with the Corn Palace…oh, and that one other famous landmark…maybe you’ve heard of it…Mount Rushmore.
Don’t know why this South Dakota tourist attraction is proud to proclaim itself as “The World’s Only Corn Palace”…like the world needs more than one? Also, it saddens me that over half a million people stare at decorated corn each year, which is nothing compared to the 2 million (!) who come to the kitschy drug store. First of all, why are that many people even going to South Dakota? Second, I bet the majority of those visitors haven’t visited a “real” museum in years. Support the arts, people and not a bunch of stupid tourist traps. But I sound like a hypocrite, because I’d probably be tempted to go to these places too. I mean, that’s what this blog is about.
A few things to know about the castle of kernels and wall of drugs - over 275,000 ears of corn are used in the redecorating of the palace each year, Lawrence Welk played here five times (ohmigod! who?), about 150 basketball games are played each season by the local high school team the “Mitchell Kernels”, and birds spend a lot of time eating all that delicious corn. I guess they need to change the name to “World’s Largest Birdfeeder”.
And the Drug Wall? Besides giving away over 20,000 free cups of water per day, Wall Drug also provides 5 cent coffee (I’m sure it tastes like crap) and free bumper stickers to visitors not embarrassed to put that shit on their cars. Here is a souvenir from a place that’s not real! Yeah! But the drug store has more than just touristy stuff and cowboy boots to spend your hard-earned dollar on, there is also a western art museum and a chapel based on one found in Iowa. Huh? Iowa? You’ve got to be kidding me.
And don’t ask me what a giant animatronic dinosaur has to do with a drug store, but I’m guessing maybe they died out because they were eating too much corn. So watch out, America! Corn subsidies will one day bite you in the ass.
